Criticism, constructive or otherwise, is as much a part of our daily lives right now as brushing our teeth or loading the dishwasher. It is there in the usual places, such as performance reviews at work or feedback at school. And it is becoming increasingly difficult to avoid online. How do we navigate this constant barrage of opinions and negative feedback?
I recently watched a powerful video by influencer Kristina Kuzmic. At the beginning of the video Kristina is showered with compliments from friends and coworkers. As each compliment is presented to her, a small candy is placed into a jar to her right, until the jar is filled to the brim with loving kindness and colorful chocolates. As Kristina is soaking in her positive comments, one negative comment is presented to her. You can hear the words the words "you're not good enough" and one single candy falls into an empty jar to her left. Her posture changes. Her smile fades. She smashes the full jar of candy and compliments and holds the nearly empty jar of negative comments close to her heart. Why do we do this? Why do we ignore positive feedback and hold onto the negative things people say about us?
I experienced this first hand recently. My husband and I switched car insurance companies. The new company offered us a discount if we would track our driving habits and prove that we were making safe choices on the road. A device was installed in my car and I continued driving as I normally would. A few weeks into the assessment, my husband and I checked the progress on his phone. There were more than 80 trips listed and under each one it read "Great job! No events this trip." Except one. At 2:17 on a given Monday it read "1 fast acceleration." How can this be? I'm a great driver. I PRIDE myself on being a great driver. I wracked my brain trying to figure out at what point during that trip I might have accelerated quickly. What was the scenario? Did I pull into oncoming traffic and speed up to avoid an accident? I obsessed about it, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of an answer. I thought about it all day and even more on the next day when I pulled out of my driveway off to my next destination. I eased on the gas, completely conscious of the speed at which I was accelerating. I didn't want to get in trouble. I didn't want to be told I was a bad driver. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being. Does one event out of 80 make me a bad driver? As humans, don't good drivers make mistakes sometimes? Does this little test really give you a clear picture of my driving abilities? Sure, my car insurance company has the power to award or deny discounts but do they have the power to define me as a driver? Does the way I drive define me as a person? In short, does any of this even matter. No. It really doesn't. Why did I spend so much time thinking about such a meaningless thing when there are so many more important things that deserve my attention?
I think it's all about perspective and ownership. Yes I did that thing. I accelerated too quickly. But I also have a great track record. When we receive criticism it's important not to get defensive. Stop. Consider the source. Does their opinion matter? Is it valid? Listen. Often there is room for growth. Change if necessary. If not, move on. It's truly that simple.
I urge you to go forth and fight criticism from impeding your daily life. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you tune out the haters. I leave you with this quote that was featured in my daily meditation yesterday, courtesy of Calm.
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